IELTS Writing Task 2: Immigration  

Hôm nay, một học trò của cô gửi bài viết về chủ đề Nhập cư (Immigration) để nhờ cô chữa. Cô gửi các bạn cùng tham khảo bài viết này nhé. 

Chủ đề: "Some countries are setting up projects to increase their immigration requirements, such as talent schemes for highly-skilled scientists and researchers. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?"

Bước 1: Tìm chủ đề bài viết: Immigration (Vấn đề nhập cư) 

Bước 2: Một số từ vựng có liên quan: 

- Immigation (n ) Sự nhập cư => Immigrant (n ) Người nhập cư => Immigrate (v) nhập cư 

- Emigration (n ) Sự di cư => Emigrant (n ) Người di cư => Emigrate (v) di cư 

- Migration (n ) sự di trú => Migrant (n ) Người di trú => Migrate (v) di trú 

- Illegal immigrants/ Unauthorized immigrants / Undocumented immigrants (n.phr) Những người nhập cư bất hợp pháp

- Formulate their stricter immigration requirement (v) / Impose their more stringent immigration rules (v) Đề ra yêu cầu về nhập cư nghiêm ngặt hơn

Bước 3: Phân tích câu hỏi để hiểu yêu cầu của đề cũng như thể loại bài viết: Cause and Opinion. Đây là bài viết trộn giữa Nguyên nhân và Quan điểm của người viết. 

Bước 4: Viết dàn ý

Bước 5: Viết bài đầy đủ 

Đây là bài viết gốc của học viên: 

"In the current society, many countries, especially developed countries have planned to require higher criteria for immigrants who need to have brilliant abilities. In fact, there are plenty of reasons for this development, and I strongly believe that it will benefit those nations.

Indeed, it is undeniable that the higher standard for immigration requirements derived from many causes which are also the challenges in several countries. First and foremost, a growing number of uncontrolled and illegal immigration have occurred which make the policymakers get struggled. For example, there are huge number of immigrants who are not permitted to migrate to the USA by the president every year, but they still try to immigrate. Secondly, some differences between indigenous people and non-native people are job opportunities, languages, race, etc. in which the later are often treated unfairly as the former. Take the European countries as an example, many citizens are jobless and are the victims of race discrimination since they have different languages, and they have no ability to communicate with the native in work or in life.

In terms of improvement of immigration criteria, there will be several merits that can help developed nations get out of being overwhelmed by immigrants. In general, the migration and immigration are going to be restricted, so many issues could be solved instantly. Specifically, homeless people, joblessness are thought to be reduced in order to boost the economy and renew the face of those countries. For instance, recently, some tangible evidences have shown that if the developing country tighten the immigration policies up, there will be less damage to the economy, humanity, etc. Hence, advancing immigration requirements strongly motivates people who want to have a better life standard in other countries.

All in all, renovating immigration rules motivated by pressing matters has been planning in many countries in order to take control of them."

Đây là các vấn đề cần khắc phục trong bài viết: 

*Lưu ý: Ngoài ra, có 1 vấn đề bao quát toàn bài - liên quan đến mục: "Task achievement": trong đề bài có thông tin "such as talent schemes for highly-skilled scientists and researchers", nhưng bạn ấy mới chỉ nói chung chung là đất nước đó nhận được nhiều lợi ích từ việc này và giải quyết được nhiều vấn đề xã hội chứ không nói cụ thể. Khi mà đặt ra tiêu chuẩn cao với những người nhập cư - những người tài giỏi, các nhà nghiên cứu - khoa học lành nghề thì điều đó sẽ mang lợi ích cụ thể nào cho họ mới quan trọng. 

BÀI VIẾT ĐƯỢC CÔ HUYỀN SỬA LẠI NHƯ SAU: 

In the current society, many countries, especially developed countries have planned to require higher criteria for immigrants with brilliant abilities. In fact, there are plenty of reasons for this development, and I strongly believe that it will benefit those nations.

Indeed, the higher standard for immigration deriving from various causes which are also challenges in several places. First and foremost, a growing number of uncontrolled and illegal immigrants have made the policymakers get struggled. For example, numerous people reside within the USA every year, leading to political debates. Secondly, some differences between indigenous people and non-native people are related to job opportunities, languages, and races, etc. in which the later are often treated unfairly compared with the former. Take the European countries as an example, many victims of unemployment or racism with different languages find it hard to socialize with the native on the daily basis.

Therefore, I suppose formulating stricter immigration rules will help the rich countries resolve the overwhelming population growth. In general, emigration and immigration are going to be restricted, so many social issues could be solved instantly after only allowing outstanding individuals to enter their territory. Specifically, homelessness and joblessness are thought to reduce in order to boost the economy thanks to more talented labors. For instance, some tangible evidences have shown that if the developing country tightens the immigration policies up, less damange will be caused to the domestic enonomy or humanity, etc. Hence, imposing more stringent immigration requiments strongly motivates ambitious and wise individuals.

All in all, adjusting immigration rules motivated by pressing matters has been consideredin many countries in order to take control of the global issues.

(274 words) 

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